What is my quest?
So, what exactly is this prince’s quest? Why, to find love of course. But, as with any quest, it’s far more complicated than that.
First off, let me be very clear, I have already loved deeply and with my whole heart. She was the beautiful princess from far away and I truly believed that if I loved her enough everything would work out. Happily Ever After was just about believing hard enough, wanting it bad enough, and letting it happen.
It didn’t happen.
On Valentines’s day I got her chocolate dipped strawberries instead of flowers…and that was the moment she decided that it was over. It took a lot longer then that (exactly a year in fact), but that was the moment the end began.
To this day, and probably until the day I die, the fact that the connection I believed we had was merely a mirage just shatters my faith in love. Eleven years of marriage and more than fourteen as a couple…my entire adult life was wrapped up in her. But I wasn’t worth the effort to keep trying. “We” weren’t worth the effort to keep trying.
I grew up believing in all the romantic ideals, the fairytale endings, the happily ever afters; I grew up believing that I could be the fairytale prince. That I could be “Charming” and win the maiden.
The problem with that, is that I wasn’t attracted to the kind of woman that could be “won” like a trophy. I like intelligence, and creativity, and partnership. I like to be with a woman and not have a girlfriend/wife/trophy. It’s that paradox that ultimately undid us.
Now, she is moving to Oklahoma. She is marrying “Mr. Oklahoma” (we’ll go in to that more when and if I ever feel like explaining the details of our divorce) and I wish her happiness. True love is hoping that the ones you love are happy, no matter what.
So that lead to the question “do I pine for her?” And the answer is “no.”
With a couple of years of dirty water swamping the bridge behind us, I can also say that we no longer fit as a couple. If we woke up tomorrow and decided to try again, it would be a LONG and UPHILL climb. The people we are in our early thirties are NOT the people we were in our late teens. And we’re both ok with that.
Which is something we try very hard to communicate to our daughter. She’s seven and she’s moving with her mom to Oklahoma. I am ok with this, we have worked it out between us, and I’ll explain that decision more as the day she moves gets closer.
So here I am, in my early thirties, I’ve got a daughter who turns seven in just a few days and I’ve been married twice. Not exactly the profile of Prince Charming. In fact, it’s pretty safe to say that I am NOT most women’s dream catch.
So as “dating” blogs go, I’d not count on this one much for salacious details. First, I’m not one for salacious details, and second, I’m not much for dating.
But I do believe my princess is out there. That is my quest…to find her.
